I am a very bad person

and mean and rather vulgar.

About once every few months, I'll be in just the right kind of mood for road rage. Sometimes I initiate it, but mostly it's the other driver. This morning, the other driver was a middle-aged, slightly overweight man at the wheel of a faded blue Previa. Warning: If you think that I am nice + sweet, or you think a girl should always act like a lady, please stop here and don't read on.

I was on Olympic Boulevard in West LA on my way to pick up my friend Randi for breakfast when I changed lanes in front of this Previa to make a left turn at an upcoming intersection. Without really looking in my rear view, I felt that the said Previa swerved impatiently out from behind me, zoomed past on my right, then skidded to a halt at a red light. The Previa was one car ahead of me, one lane over, and the driver looked at me in his side mirror and shook his head. From behind my sunglasses, I shook my head back.

He mouthed, "Fuck you."

I shook my head again, then pointed at the side of my head to indicate what I thought of his state of mind.

He flipped me off.

I flipped him off back, but more hardcore. (I was schooled in the right way to do it back in the 7th grade. You not only extend the middle finger, but also cock the index and ring finger at almost right angles on either side. It looks like you really mean it. The Previa driver had flipped me off the weenie way, holding all his fingers down except his middle one. Anyway.)

He looked at me in disbelief, clearly unhappy at the way our "conversation" was going. He made a gesture like he was jerking off, in the air.

I gave him a big thumbs-up.

He then made some kind of motion with his curved index finger. Was he saying, come here let's fight? Or now-that-I've-jerked-off-I'm-going-to-pretend-to-finger-you? I couldn't tell.

Whatever it was, I laughed in his face. He was almost beside himself at this point, but had apparently run out of ideas. The light turned green.

I resisted the urge to blow him a kiss goodbye, because I thought he was already about to have a coronary. And I had misbehaved enough for one day.